Imagine an alternative world where, Dave Scott and Comcast didn’t give a sh*t about the Flyers and thought:
“Chuck Fletcher needs one more season. Let’s give him the benefit of the doubt, let him see out his contract, at least. We love what he has done in the front office. Let’s see him get it right on the ice.”
Join us on a mind melting journey into a dystopian world that would have Orwell, Bradbury or Huxley screaming. Brace yourself for a rollercoaster ride through the twisted mind of Chuck Fletcher, a journey that will test even the bravest of fans. Warning, this anxiety inducing nightmare is not for the faint of heart. This is your warning! Get out now while you can, or proceed at your own risk.
Today we ask an unholy question…what would Chuck do?
Departures:
Ivan Provorov:
Provy was a player who needed a change of scenery and for his sins was sent to Ohio. Flyers were rumored to have been in discussions with the Blue Jackets since before Chuck Fletcher was dismissed and this, is what Chuck may have done:
No surprises here, Chuck throws a couple of picks away, moves on an AHLer to remind us of Willman and gets a late round pick for this year’s draft, a masterclass, truly.
Kevin Hayes:
I might be giving Fletcher too much credit here. There’s a chance he couldn’t move Hayes on at all.
Fletcher’s inability to offload the burdensome contract of Hayes leads to an appalling trade. The Hurricanes acquire Hayes and a valuable 1st round pick, and the Flyers are left with Derek Stepan, a seasoned veteran whose recent performance leaves much to be desired. Oh, and he’s from Minnesota. Of course!
Nick Seeler:
Nick Seeler has been one of the few moves that could be deemed a success under Fletcher but the lure of a late round pick and a deal with the devil is too tempting.
In a move that demonstrates Fletcher’s curious tendencies, Seeler is traded to the dreaded Sh*ttsburgh P*nguins for a fifth-round pick. But fear not, as history suggests Fletcher will likely re-sign Seeler in the following season. It’s a cycle that never ends! Nick Seeler you are the new Justin Braun.
Free Agency:
As part of his grand retooling plan, Fletcher will no doubt make several signings to give the illusion of a flashy and exciting offseason. Players like James Van Riemsdyk (he’s back 3 years at $3mil), Brendan Lemieux gets a 1 year extension, and Nick Foligno joins the team (1 year at $0.925), while Justin Holl is brought in to fill the void left by Provorov and he is here for 4 years at $4.5mil. The pièce de résistance is perhaps Oliver Ekman-Larsson, who, despite being paid a monstrous sum to get the hell out of Vancouver, apparently needs more than a veteran minimum with a 2 year $2mil contract.
Garnet Hathaway (2 years at 1.75 – M-NTC), chosen over Ryan Reeves by flipping a coin, adds to the roster. Vince Dunn (4x $4.5mil), and of course Derek Stepan (re-signed for 2 years on $1mil) join Fletcher’s questionable ensemble.
The star of this new look Flyers team is of course none other than Ivan Barbashev, one of the standouts from the playoffs and is due a big pay rise, but to play in Philly he is commanding an inflated 8 years $8mil deal.
The Team:
The Flyers’ lineup in this twisted reality is a mishmash of mediocre skaters, overpaid contracts, and unbalanced lines. The absence of young prospects like Foerster, Attard, and Brink in favor of aging veterans stifles the team’s potential. The result? A squad destined for mediocrity, stuck in cap hell, and with no sight of a brighter future.
Conclusion:
This alternate universe presents a Flyers organization trapped in purgatory, unable to qualify for the playoffs but not terrible enough to secure high draft picks. Fletcher’s reckless trades and cap dumps have ravaged the team’s future (even further than reality), leaving little hope for improvement. The nightmarish scenario culminates with Fletcher’s departure, leaving the Flyers in a state of chaos and shattered dreams.
If you’ve made it to the end, congratulations! If you think the author of this article clearly knows nothing about hockey and is an idiot then they have succeeded in capturing the reality of Chuck Fletcher’s tenure. However, if the thought of this ice hockey horror show excites you, then the author has utterly failed.
…And if Kyle Dubas should be reading this, yes, Ewan Stuart is available to become the new GM of the P*nguins.
By: Ewan Stuart (@EwanFlyers)
photo credits: Genty via Pixabay & Tom Gralish via The Philadelphia Inquirer
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