‘Tis the Season for Flyers Christmas Carols

Fans yell ‘Shoot’, are you listening?
Shooting lane, the shot is missing
A MacEwen fight
We’re happy tonight
Watching in the Wells Fargo Center

Trade away, Hagg and all the thirds
Here to stay are the boo birds
To rig the goal song
As fans go along
Watching in the Wells Fargo Center

On Twitter, we can blame the 4^th Line
We’ll pretend their ice-time holds us down
Is the first line scoring?
We’ll say, no man
But that’s what they believe in online town

Later on, we’ll perspire
As we scream for the coach to be fired
To blame unafraid
The team that we’ve made
Watching in the Wells Fargo Center
Watching in the Wells Fargo Center
Watching in the Wells Fargo Center

You know Claude and Kevin and Ivan and Carter
Sean and Travis and James and Oskar
But do you recall
The most infamous Flyer of all?

Dave Scott the Flyers Chairman
Had himself a hockey team
And if you ever saw it
You would pull your hair and scream

All of the Metro owners
Would always laugh and call him names
They never let ol’ Dave Scott
Join in any playoff games

Then one foggy trade deadline
Fletcher came to say
“Dave Scott, you’re so wise and bright
Can I remake this team tonight?”

Then all the Flyers fans loved him
As they shouted out with glee
“Dave Scott the Flyers Chairman
You’ll go down in history!”

Hark! the Analytics sing
Glory to the Corsi King
Andy and Rono, Evolving Wild
Charts and Heat Maps reconciled
Joyful, when the cards are green
Stats reveal what can’t be seen
Subscribe now with a host
The Norris should go to Ghost
Hark! the Analytics sing
Glory to the Corsi King

Hail, the guards of advanced stats
Hail! To spreading knowledge with sass
My proprietary model is best
Don’t trust info from the rest
Red cards mean that player is cooked
Math wins out over eye-looked
Entries, exits, xGF
Goalies are voodoo, what the F
Hark! the Analytics sing
Glory to the Corsi King

We wish for a better offense
We wish for a better offense
We wish for a better offense and a good powerplay
Quick passes begin, to set up the shots
We wish for a better offense and a good powerplay

Oh, bring us a dynamic scorer
Oh, bring us a dynamic scorer
Oh, bring us a dynamic scorer
So we don’t have to yell “SHOOT”

You would sell more merch to bring to you and your kin
We wish for a better offense and a good powerplay

Bags won’t go until we get one
Bags won’t go until we get one
Bags won’t go until we get one
So get the puck on net

Good tidings we bring to Hart and the Defense
We wish for a better offense and a good powerplay

Dashing to the Farg
With traffic in the way,
Cutting off other cars,
Cursing all the way.
Parking is obscene,
Making patrons fight.
What fun it is to get to the game
And Gritty’s throwing pies tonight, oh!

Gritty sells, Gritty sells,
Gimmicks all the way.
Oh what fun it is to see
The mascot distract from play, hey!
Gritty sells, Gritty sells,
Gimmicks all the way.
Oh what fun it is to break things
In the Rage Room for more pay.

Oh, Gritty sells, Gritty sells,
Gimmicks all the way.
Oh! what fun it is to see,
The mascot distract from play, hey!
Gritty sells, Gritty sells,
Gimmicks all the way.
Oh! what fun it is to see,
The mascot distract from play.
Oh, what fun it is to see
The mascot distract from play!

I saw Comcast screwing Flyers fans
Underneath the scoreboard last night
They overcharge for tickets, their product is subpar
Their prices for beer and parking are just taking it too far
Comcast screwing Flyers fans last night
Then I saw Dave Scott teasing Flyers fans
With that stock photo wearing the team’s gear
Telling Chuck to Fire AV, because he knows what is best
Prioritizing profits over the logo on the chest
Dave Scott teasing Flyers fans last night

In the 12 Weeks of the Season, the Flyers gave to me: