The Buffalo Sabres are a bit of a mess. I know, breaking news in 2025, but after a recent trade where they sent JJ Peterka to Utah for Michael Kesselring and Josh Doan, now seems like a good chance for Danny Briere and the Flyers’ front office to hop on the phone and try to craft a deal with Kevyn Adams and the Sabres. So we’ve gone though and laid a roadmap to help Briere make some proposals.
Number 5: Tage Thompson for Keith Jones’ autographed photo of Nicolas Cage
C’mon. If there’s one thing we can all assume, it’s that Keith Jones is a big Nick Cage fan. He has an autographed movie poster for Left Behind which featured Cage and his co-star Lea Thompson. It’d be worth at least $37 dollars to the right person. Cage & Thompson, Tage Thompson, same thing. Kevyn Adams will be convinced that the player has a twin and it’s a fair swap.
Number 4: Owen Power for the naming rights of the Peco Power Play
This may be a two-birds situation for the Flyers. The PECO power play has been kinda miserable for the last half decade, so they send the naming rights to Buffalo, a much more fitting situation for whatever that team is these days. The Flyers get 2021 first overall pick Owen Power in return AND can let another company sponsor the power play. Win-win all around!
Number 3: Bowen Byram for a mannequin w/ Cam York’s face taped to it
A popular theory that has emerged this summer has been a Byram-for-York trade.
What if Briere goes to the local abandoned K-Mart and steals a mannequin, then tapes a picture of Cam York’s face on it? Adams thinks it’s a real trade and makes the deal, Briere calls no takesies backsies and puts the mannequin on a Grayhound bus with a one-way ticket to Buffalo.
To be fair, the mannequin and York probably have the same amount of personality, so it may take awhile before Kevyn Adams even notices he’s been hoodwinked.
Number 2: Ukka-Pekka Luukkonen for Ivan Fedotov w/ photoshopped stats
This one is easy enough. Offer UPL for Fedotov, and to convince Kevyn Adams, send him a screenshot of Fedotov’s stats…. but make sure to photoshop them out and put Fedotov’s face on Martin Brodeur’s stats instead. Kevyn Adams won’t be able to resist adding a goalie of such strong standing and he’ll feel like they’ll actually win a trade for once!
Number 1: Rasmus Dahlin for Nic Deslauriers’ nicest pair of dress shoes
This is the one Briere will have to work hardest to pull off, but he needs to start a bot farm and have them reply over and over again to Kevyn Adams’ Instagram posts questioning his ability to dress himself.
He’ll feel so bad that Briere can then pick up the phone and offer Nic Deslauriers’ best pair of dress shoes in return for Dahlin. And when Adams sits in silence on the other end of the phone for a brief moment thinking it over but not ready to say yes just yet, Briere can throw in one of Deslauriers’ sports jackets as well, which will be enough to push Adams to say yes.
Briere will have to sit Deslauriers down for a talk explaining the tough circumstances afterward, but i think everyone involved will be ok after a trip to Men’s Warehouse.
By: Dan Esche (@DanTheFlyeraFan)
photo credit: NHL.com
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